- “Increase Your Personal Value And Help Someone To Improve Every Day!”
What would you do to improve the performance of someone you were nurturing, leading or working with if he or she did not perform up to their potential? What if the result had a direct impact on you? How would you get that person to change for the better?
Most people would criticize, condemn or complain about the person (some will do all three). What about the people you interact with, would they be in this group? Ironically most people are quick to criticize, condemn and complain about others, but it is interesting that 99 out of 100 don’t criticize themselves for anything no matter how wrong it may be. This truth is the fundamental reason why criticism, condemnation and complaining are pointless, especially criticism.
Criticizing a person is pointless because it puts the person on the defensive and usually makes him or her strive to justify the action (or lack of). It is also dangerous because it:
- Wounds a person’s pride,
- Hurts a person’s sense of importance,
- Arouses a person’s resentment and hard feelings towards the critic,
- Reduces a person’s further usefulness
If we want to motivate people to improve we must understand a very important concept. When we are dealing with people, we must realize that we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion who are motivated by pride and vanity. As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation.”
Do you know someone you would like to influence to change and improve long-term? Great! That’s fine. I’m in total favor of that. But why not commit to continuously improving yourself first? Here are three and a half things you can do to influence people to continuously improve.
3.5 Things We Can Do To Influence Continuous Improvement
- Try to Understand. Instead of criticizing people, let’s try to understand them. Lets try to figure out why they do what they do. Just the other day I was having a discussion with a close friend who took my comments as criticism and her immediate response was, “You haven’t walked in my shoes.” What she was saying is, “I don’t realize how I could have done any differently from what I have.” We shouldn’t criticize; instead we should consider that the person is just performing the way we would be under similar circumstances. Seeking to understand is a lot more profitable and fascinating than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.
- Give Recognition. Let’s keep an eye on the people we care about, nurture and lead so we can catch them doing something well and recognize them for it. Most people (including parents, teachers, and managers – even our friends) only comment on people’s mistakes. In 2008 a survey of all the employees at a chain of restaurants discovered that the number one thing people want from their job (more then money) is acknowledgment for a job well done. A pat on the back will motivate people a lot more than a kick in the pants (criticism). Another study stated that two out of every three people in our country has a low self-esteem, so people are obviously starving for positive feedback.
- Make People Feel Good. We should make a point of complimenting people and making them feel good. You might be the only person that day who said something nice to them. (Remember how good it felt in elementary school when your teacher put stickers on your homework when you did a good job?) This will reinforce their talents and good behaviors. Behavioral scientists have proven that people rewarded for good behavior will learn much quicker and retain what they have learned much more effectively than someone punished for bad behavior. Be sure your compliment is sincere. If people feel you are not being honest or just “kissing up,” they’ll quickly dismiss your comment and may even feel worse.
By doing these three things at home and at work, in our relationships and in our interpersonal engagements we will quickly win people’s loyalty and commitment while influencing them to realize their full potential. The best nurturers and leaders are able to motivate others and help them perform at their highest level. This can only happen when they feel good about themselves. Take the time to help people feel this way and you will see amazing results. Do this and you will be influential! You’ll be someone that remembered.
3.5
Oh, by the way, I promised to mention three and a half things; the half thing is: “don’t do what any fool can do…!” Dale Carnegie said: “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do.”
If you put these in action, not only will you influence people to reach their potential, you will enjoy the process. I’m talking about the process of life.
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I liked comment 3.5- it is so easy to criticize, condemn – the other 3 take a lot more self mastery! Hope we get to read more posts like this!